Monday, November 29, 2004

Thoughts On Paper

I did a rare thing and checked to see what my horoscope said for today. (I am an Aries, for the record.) It said that I should put my feelings in a letter, and to revise it as much as I need to.

Before I begin, I really have no set starting point. Right now, I cannot focus on a concrete subject. My brain has not had much time to reflect, but plenty of reaction. I prefer to be proactive, but I understand that makes some folks feel uncomfortable. Some need to feel the sense of total control. Every thought maust have an origin, so here goes nothing.

Right now, it is 1:57 PM EST, when I am doing this. I am feeling unproductive because I am caught up with what I had on my desk, and with what my supervisor had given me. It is almost a moot point to make when she knows that I am caught up. I really do not like to go over there to mention an obvious point. She apologized to me before I left last week for forgetting. At this moment, so much for that, hoping that it is not intentional on the other party's part.

I am finally caught up on my incoming e-mails. My ex-girlfriend was hoping for an e-mail from me when she arrived to work this morning, but she figured that I was busy. She was busy. Over the holiday weekend, it seem like what down time I had as reserved for for sleep/naptime. I have had the flu bug for much of the last week-and-a-half,so some things were put aside. I will eventually get to whatever needs my attention.

Speaking of my ex-girlfriend, right now, I do not feel like getting involved with anybody right now. Ashley and I are not together because both of us need some time off, so that we can focus on our busy workloads. It had nothing to do with "third parties". Even though I do admit to meeting a very nice lady Friday night, I still do not have any plans to get involved, although I would consider an invitation to socialize. At this time of the year, it would not be a good idea to leave one hanging out to dry. I try my best not to tease anybody that way, regardless of what the calendar says.

I actually had a nightmare recently. What woke me up was hearing three words nobody likes to hear- "I'm not interested." About the only thing worse than this are those who lie to hide, whether it is true feelings, or a "sidejob".

Even though I am very shy, I have always done my best to be honest with everybody. Why can't the favors always be reciprocated? It is the best way to earn respect. I forgot- not everybody is that appreciative.

To close out the advice portion of the program, if you reaaly like somebody a lot, YOU SHOULD TELL THEM! Somebody I once knew, who had her own radio show, would mutter those words of wisdom from time to time. You have nothing to lose by doing it, except maybe some pride. This is how Ashley and I became a couple. The pain from rejection is only temporary, unless you dwell on it.

I apologize in advance for not always practicing what I am preaching. Shyness will do this to you. It is the most commonly inherited trait, but it does not effect everybody. For those who are not, if you only knew.

I do feel a little better sharing this with all of you.


Ashley#48fan said...

Well Bill you know that I love you just wanted to throw that out there.

Ashley#48fan said...

Well Bill you know that I love you just wanted to throw that out there.

Ashley#48fan said...

I just want to say you did a great job putting your thoughts on paper. I know some times it helps me out when i have alot on my mind. I hope things get better for you. And remember when it feels like you are not wanted or loved by any one I want you and love you. ALWAYS, Ashley