How to Beat "Dating Déjà Vu"

How to Beat "Dating Déjà Vu"
5 tips for avoiding another hurtful relationship

By Karen Sherman, Ph.D.
Special to Yahoo! Personals

So you've finally gotten past the old relationship, licked your wounds, and sworn you've learned your lessons. You've starting dating again and you're even taking it slowly. Though you've healed, the hurt from the past is still vivid in your memory.

And then, suddenly, there he or she is! There's just something about this person that feels right. For all the people you've been going out with, this person seems different -- there's a comfort level you don't experience with the others. And so, you start to shun the others and make a more definitive commitment to this person.

And you're happy. Yes, this could be "the one"!

But then, a few months into the relationship, you start to realize that though your new partner seemed different from your last one, he/she really isn't different at all. The more you get to know the person, the more you recognize the same underlying traits. Maybe he/she isn't generous with money or not emotionally expressive or makes unilateral decisions.

And you ask yourself, "How could this happen again?"

Patterns from the past
The truth is, we tend to be drawn to the same types over and over again. That's because they remind us of someone in our family of origin, which accounts for the initial feeling of comfort. Generally, there's an unresolved issue you're hoping to resolve in the relationship. Please note that all of this is happening at a sub-awareness level.

Here are some examples: Let's say you had a very strict upbringing. You might be attracted to someone who's controlling, so you can replay this earlier issue and no longer feel restricted. Or, if you had a parent who was emotionally shut down, you might be drawn to someone who gets upset when you're emotional, so you can rework feeling comfortable when you do express your feelings.

I believe that part of the reason this happens is because we have learned certain patterns in our childhood to help us adapt to our family of origin -- these are our survival tools. If they work -- that is, we feel we are loved by our parents -- we continue to use them. Using the examples above, we become compliant to a controlling father or try to hide our feelings from a non-expressive mother.

And, we continue to do them, without thinking. We start to function mindlessly, as if we are on "automatic pilot."

How to avoid "dating déjà vu"
So, how can you stop this pattern? The key is awareness. Here are five tips to help you steer clear of another hurtful relationship:

1. Be self-observant. Ask yourself, after you've gotten to know someone, what are the traits in them that you were initially drawn to? It's likely that these are the very aspects of the person that bother you -- ones that you say you don't want in another relationship.

2. Be analytical. What issues from your childhood does this person reflect?

3. Consider doing some personal work. By working on whatever the unresolved issue is for you, it will no longer need as much attention through someone else.

4. Be aware. Everything you want to know about someone is there right in the beginning. You just have to pay close attention and not be blinded by your emotions. That's why your friends can see a trait that you might not.

5. Work it through. Is the overall relationship a good one? Remember that everyone has issues. If each of you learns to accept and respect the issues of the other person, the relationship can be quite healing for both of you.

Karen Sherman, Ph.D., a specialist in relationships for over 20 years, offers teleseminars and is co-author of "Marriage Magic! Find It! Make It Last." She is on the web at drkarensherman.com.

'Newhart' Star Tom Poston Passes Away

'Newhart' Star Tom Poston Passes Away

May 01, 2007

"He will be sorely missed," says friend and co-star Bob Newhart.

Emmy-winning sitcom sidekick TOM POSTON, who memorably starred alongside BOB NEWHART on "Newhart," passed away on Monday night. He was 85.

The veteran comic actor was nominated three times for an Emmy during his tenure as lovable lunk George Utley on the popular '80s show. He was also nominated for an Outstanding Guest Actor Emmy for his appearance on "Coach"; he won a Best Supporting Actor Emmy in 1959 for his role on "The STEVE ALLEN Show."

"The death ... of Tom Poston, a versatile and veteran performer and a kind hearted individual, comes as a great shock," Bob Newhart said in a statement. "He will be sorely missed and was an important part of the 'Newhart' family. Tom was always the 'go to guy' on 'Newhart' in addition to being a good and longtime friend," he added.

More recently, Poston had recurring roles on TV shows like "Committed" and "That '70s Show."

Poston is survived by his wife, "Bob Newhart" star SUZANNE PLESHETTE, as well as three children from previous marriages.

Left-handed women may have a shorter life-span

Left-handed women may have a shorter life-span

Tue May 1, 9:15 AM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - A study suggests that women who are left-handed have a higher risk of dying, particularly from cancer and cerebrovascular disease - damage to an artery in the brain or an artery that supplies blood to the brain.

While it could be a chance finding and the evidence is far from conclusive, numerous reports have associated left-handedness with various disorders and, in general, a shorter life span, Dutch researchers note in their report in the journal Epidemiology.

"Left-handers are reported to be underrepresented in the older age groups, although such findings are still much debated," write Dr. Made K. Ramadhani and colleagues from University Medical Center Utrecht. It is estimated that about 1 in 10 people are lefties.

Among 12,178 middle-aged Dutch women the researchers followed for nearly 13 years, 252 died.

When left-handed women were compared with the other women, and the data were adjusted for a number of potentially confounding factors, lefties had a 40 percent higher risk of dying from any cause, a 70 percent higher risk of dying from cancer, and a 30 percent higher risk of dying from diseases of the circulatory system.

Left-handed women also had a 2-fold increased risk of dying from breast cancer, close to a 5-fold increased risk of dying from colorectal cancer, and more than a 3-fold higher risk of cerebrovascular mortality.

The underlying mechanisms remain elusive, although genetics and environmental factors may be involved, Ramadhani and colleagues suggest. Much of the research into handedness and mortality has been fueled by the hypothesis that left-handedness is the result of an insult suffered during prenatal life, which ultimately leads to the early death.

The author of a commentary, Dr. Olga Basso, who is left-handed, is highly skeptical, in general, of research relating disease and death with handedness. "I am not alone in thinking that the literature on handedness suffers from a number of ills," regardless of the putative illnesses seen in those who are left-handed, she notes.

"Having successfully dodged a number of disorders," adds Basso, "I doubt that my left hand is prematurely pulling me toward my grave."

Basso is with National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences, Research Triangle Park, North Carolina.

SOURCE: Epidemiology March 2007.
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Bill's Comment: I remember back in high school a girl I knew told me that lefties are better in bed. Easy for her to speak, since she is a southpaw. I wouldn't know, since I am neither a lefty or had sex with one. I just wonder if one may have to do with the other.

DEI confirms discussions with Yates about merging

DEI confirms discussions with Yates about merging

By Sporting News Wire Service
April 29, 2007
08:30 PM EDT

TALLADEGA, Ala. -- The clear hope of a potential deal between Dale Earnhardt Inc. and Robert Yates Racing, reported Saturday on FoxSports.com, would be a strengthening of the organization that emerges from a sale, but a laundry list of major and minor details remains open for discussion.

The major details to be addressed include Dale Earnhardt Jr.'s future and the nameplate on the cars the new organization would field.

DEI's John Story confirmed Sunday that talks of a DEI acquisition of Yates had resumed in earnest approximately six weeks ago. A merger of the two teams would marry the power of Yates engines -- under the aegis of Robert Yates' son and premier engine builder, Doug Yates -- with the enhanced engineering and star power of DEI.

Concurrent with the discussions of a DEI acquisition of Yates are negotiations between DEI and Earnhardt toward the extension of Earnhardt's contract to drive for DEI, which will expire this year if not renewed. Max Siegel, president of global operations for DEI, and Kelley Earnhardt Elledge, Earnhardt's sister and business manager, are the principal negotiators of a possible extension.

Owned by Earnhardt's stepmother, Teresa Earnhardt, DEI fields Chevrolets for Earnhardt, Martin Truex Jr. and Paul Menard. Yates' two-car stable features the Fords of David Gilliland and Ricky Rudd.

Story said DEI already has a formal proposal from General Motors to extend the long-standing association between the Earnhardts and Chevrolet. Story also said DEI had been contacted by two other carmakers. The Sporting News confirmed independently that DEI has had preliminary discussions with Ford Motor Company.

According to Story, the deal with Chevrolet is not contingent on Earnhardt remaining at DEI. Story said performance is the crux of the issue in a potential deal with Yates. He stressed the company's commitment to establish DEI as "a perennial contender for championships."

Ashes of Star Trek's Scotty fly to space

Ashes of Star Trek's Scotty fly to space

By ALICIA A. CALDWELL, Associated Press Writer
Sat Apr 28, 7:25 PM ET

UPHAM, N.M. - The cremated remains of actor James Doohan, who portrayed engineer "Scotty" on "Star Trek," and of Mercury astronaut Gordon Cooper soared into suborbital space Saturday aboard a rocket.

It was the first successful launch from Spaceport America, a commercial spaceport being developed in the southern New Mexico desert.

Suzan Cooper and Wende Doohan fired the rocket carrying small amounts of their husbands' ashes, and those of about 200 others, at 8:56 a.m. local time.

"Go baby, go baby," said Eric Knight of the commercial launch company, UP Aerospace Inc. of Farmington, Conn.

Since it was a suborbital flight, the rocket soon parachuted back to Earth, coming down at the White Sands Missile Range.

"We nailed it. We stuck the landing," said Knight.

UP Aerospace launched the first rocket from the desert site in September, but that Spaceloft XL rocket crashed into the desert after spiraling out of control about nine seconds after liftoff. Company officials blamed the failure on a faulty fin design.

Family members paid $495 to place a few grams of their relatives' ashes on the rocket. Celestis, a Houston company, contracted with UP to send the cremated remains into space.

Family and friends who watched the 20-foot rocket take off from about 4 miles away cheered and cried as it flew and the mission control center announced the launch was successful.

Wende Doohan, of Renton, Wash., said her husband of 30 years sought a space ride for his remains after "Star Trek" creator Gene Roddenberry's remains were launched in 1997. James Doohan died in July 2005 at age 85.

On Saturday morning she wore a flight jacket from Doohan's son-in-law, Air Force Reserve Chief Master Sgt. Paul Pritchard, who died this week of cancer.

"He and Jimmy are together watching history," Wende Doohan said.

Kathy Allums' uncle, James Roach, told relatives long before his death three years ago that he wanted his remains flown to space. Some laughed at the seemingly crazy idea.

"I'm just beside myself," said Allums, of Arlington, Texas. "It's more than what I expected. It's exactly what he would have wanted."

Charles Chafer, chief executive of Celestis, said last month that a CD with more than 11,000 condolences and fan notes was placed on the rocket with Doohan's remains.

The launch from the fledgling spaceport — currently a 100-foot by 25-foot concrete slab in a patch of desert more than 50 miles north of Las Cruces — keeps the New Mexico project ahead of its nearest competitor, in West Texas.

Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon.com, is said to be developing the spaceport north of Van Horn, Texas. Bezos' Blue Origin is working to develop tourist space flights.

British billionaire Richard Branson also has announced plans to launch a space tourism company, which is expected to have its headquarters at the New Mexico spaceport.
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Bill's Comment: Are we taking, "Beam me up, Scotty!", a little too far?

Box of condoms leads to evacuation

Box of condoms leads to evacuation

Sat Apr 28, 4:52 AM ET

ANKENY, Iowa - Several classrooms at Des Moines Area Community College were evacuated after college officials became nervous about a suspicious package.

College officials called police and postal inspectors after the box was delivered Thursday. What they found inside wasn't a bomb — it was a box containing 500 condoms.
The package was sent to a teacher of a human sexuality class, and was sent by a person who had been a previous speaker at the class, said Rob Denson, the college's president.

Fire destroys longtime Johnny Cash home

Fire destroys longtime Johnny Cash home
04/10/2007 10:26 PM, AP

Johnny Cash's longtime lakeside home, a showcase where he wrote much of his famous music and entertained U.S. presidents, music royalty and visiting fans, was destroyed by fire on Tuesday.

Cash and his wife, June Carter Cash, lived in the 13,880-square-foot home from the late 1960s until their deaths in 2003. Barry Gibb, a former member of the Bee Gees, purchased the home in 2006 and had hoped to remodel it and eventually write songs there with his wife.

One firefighter was injured, authorities said.

"So many prominent things and prominent people in American history took place in that house — everyone from Billy Graham to Bob Dylan went into that house," said singer Marty Stuart, who lives next door and was married to Cash's daughter, Cindy, in the 1980s.

Stuart said the man who designed the house, Nashville builder Braxton Dixon, was "the closest thing this part of the country had to Frank Lloyd Wright."

When Cash moved there, the road was a quiet country lane that skirted Old Hickory Lake. Kris Kristofferson, then an aspiring songwriter, once landed a helicopter on Cash's lawn to pitch him a song. Roy Orbison was his next-door neighbor for a while.

Parts of the landmark video for Cash's song "Hurt" was shot inside the house.

"It was a sanctuary and a fortress for him," Stuart said. "There was a lot of writing that took place there."

Richard Sterban of the Oak Ridge Boys lives on the same road. "Maybe it's the good Lord's way to make sure that it was only Johnny's house," Sterban said.

Dixon built the three-story house in 1967 for his own family, but Cash fell in love with it. Dixon was reluctant to sell, but Cash kept after him.

"It was a very, very unusual contemporary structure," said Cash's brother, Tommy Cash. "It was built with stone and wood and all kinds of unusual materials, from marble to old barn wood. I don't think there was a major blueprint. I think the builder was building it the way he wanted it to look."

The younger Cash said many holidays and family get-togethers were spent at the house. And while Johnny and June also owned a house in Jamaica and a second house in Tennessee, they considered this to be their home.

"Johnny and June lived there the entire time they were married," Tommy Cash said. "It was the only house they lived in together until they both passed on."

The fire, in this suburb about 20 miles northeast of downtown Nashville, started around 1:40 p.m. Fire trucks arrived within five minutes, but the house was already engulfed, Hendersonville Fire Chief Jamie Steele said.

Just a few hours later, there was almost nothing left except stone chimneys.

The cause is unknown, but Steele said the flames spread quickly because construction workers had recently applied a flammable wood preservative to the exterior of the house. The preservative was also being applied inside the house.

Cash's long career, which began in the 1950s, spanned rock 'n' roll, folk and country. His hits included "Ring of Fire," "Folsom Prison Blues" and "I Walk the Line."
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On the Net:
Johnny Cash: http://us.rd.yahoo.com/dailynews/ap/ap_en_mu/storytext/johnny_cash_home_fire/22595046/SIG=10sf5hi10/*http://www.johnnycash.com/
Barry Gibb: http://us.rd.yahoo.com/dailynews/ap/ap_en_mu/storytext/johnny_cash_home_fire/22595046/SIG=10r77gd0c/*http://www.barrygibb.com/
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Associated Press writer John Gerome in Nashville contributed to this report.

Former Grambling coach Eddie Robinson dies

Former Grambling coach Eddie Robinson dies

By MARY FOSTER, AP Sports Writer
April 4, 2007

RUSTON, La. (AP) -- Eddie Robinson, the longtime Grambling coach who transformed a small, black college into a football power that sent hundreds of players to the NFL, has died. He was 88.

The soft-spoken coach spent nearly 60 years at Grambling State University, where he set a standard for victories with 408 and nearly every season relished seeing his top players drafted by NFL teams.

Doug Williams, a Super Bowl MVP quarterback was one of them. Williams said Robinson died shortly before midnight Tuesday. Robinson had been admitted to Lincoln General Hospital earlier in the day.

"For the Grambling family this is a very emotional time," Williams said Wednesday. "But I'm thinking about Eddie Robinson the man, not in today-time, but in the day and what he meant to me and to so many people."

Robinson's career spanned 11 presidents, several wars and the civil rights movement. His overall record of excellence is what will be remembered: In 57 years, Robinson compiled a 408-165-15 record. Until John Gagliardi of St. John's, Minn., topped the victory mark four years ago, Robinson was the winningest coach in all of college football.

"The real record I have set for over 50 years is the fact that I have had one job and one wife," Robinson said.

Robinson had been suffering from Alzheimer's disease, which was diagnosed shortly after he was forced to retire following the 1997 season. His health had been declining for years and he had been in and out of a nursing home during the past year.

Robinson said he tried to coach each player as if he wanted him to marry his daughter.

He began coaching at Grambling State in 1941, when it was still the Louisiana Negro Normal and Industrial Institute, and single-handedly brought the school from obscurity to international popularity.

"Coach Robinson elevated a small town program to national prominence and tore down barriers to achieve an equal playing field for athletes of all races," Gov. Kathleen Blanco said in a statement. "Generations of Louisianans will forever benefit from coach Robinson's fight for equality."

Grambling first gained national attention in 1949 when running back Paul "Tank" Younger signed with the Los Angeles Rams and became the first player from an all-black college to enter the NFL. Suddenly, pro scouts learned how to find the little school 65 miles east of Shreveport near the Arkansas border.

Robinson sent over 200 players to the NFL, including seven first-round draft choices and Williams, who succeeded Robinson as Grambling's coach in 1998. Others went to the Canadian Football League and the now-defunct USFL.

Robinson's pro stars included Willie Davis, James Harris, Ernie Ladd, Buck Buchanan, Sammy White, Cliff McNeil, Willie Brown, Roosevelt Taylor, Charlie Joiner and Willie Williams.

Jerry Izenberg, the sports columnist emeritus at the Star-Ledger of Newark and a close friend of Robinson since 1963, said the coach was an inspiration in the deep South.

"People look at black pride in America and sports' impact on it," Izenberg said. "In the major cities it took off the first time Jackie Robinson stole home. In the deep South, it started with Eddie Robinson, who took a small college in northern Louisiana with little or no funds and sent the first black to the pros and made everyone look at him and Grambling."

Robinson said he was inspired to become a football coach when a high school team visited the elementary school he attended.

"The other kids wanted to be players, but I wanted to be like that coach," Robinson said. "I liked the way he talked to the team, the way he could make us laugh. I liked the way they all respected him."

Robinson was forced to retire after the 1997 season, after the program fell on tough times. His final three years on the sidelines brought consecutive losing seasons for the first time, an NCAA investigation of recruiting violations and four players charged with rape.

"I don't think coach lost touch with the players, I think the players lost touch with him," former NFL and Grambling cornerback Everson Walls said. "I think the young guys lost touch with coach Rob's vision. They didn't appreciate that they were living history with him."

As pressure mounted for him to step aside, even then-Gov. Mike Foster campaigned to give him one last season so he could try to go out a winner. But that final season produced only three wins for the second straight year.

Robinson's teams had only eight losing seasons and won 17 Southwestern Athletic Conference titles and nine national black college championships. He was inducted into every hall of fame for which he was eligible, and received honorary degrees from several universities, including Yale.

In 1968, refusing to be tied to a tiny home stadium on a hard-to-reach campus, Robinson put Grambling's football show on the road, playing at some very famous addresses, including Yankee Stadium.

That same year, Howard Cosell and Izenberg produced the documentary, "Grambling College: 100 Yards to Glory," Robinson became vice president of the NAIA and all three major television networks carried special programming on Grambling football.

A year later, Grambling played before 277,209 paying customers in 11 games, despite the home field that seated just 13,000.

When he began his career, Robinson had no paid assistants, no groundskeepers, no trainers and little in the way of equipment. He had to line the field himself and fix lunchmeat sandwiches for road trips because the players could not eat in the "white only" restaurants of the South.

He was not bitter, however. "The best way to enjoy life in America is to first be an American, and I don't think you have to be white to do so," Robinson said. "Blacks have had a hard time, but not many Americans haven't."

Robinson is survived by his wife, son Eddie Robinson Jr., daughter Lillian Rose Robinson, five grandchildren and four great-grandchildren.

Updated on Wednesday, Apr 4, 2007 1:23 pm EDT
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Bill's Comment: If there is an individual for anyone, regardless of color, to look up at and inspire, Eddie Robinson would rank up there. May you rest in peace.

THE COMING ASS AGE

THE COMING ASS AGE
by Ann Coulter
March 21, 2007

No matter how much liberals try to dress up their nutty superstitions about global warming as "science," which only six-fingered lunatics could doubt, scratch a global warming "scientist" and you get a religious fanatic.

These days, new religions are barely up and running before they seize upon the worst aspects of the God-based religions.

First, there's the hypocrisy and corruption. At the 1992 Democratic Convention in New York, Al Gore said: "The central organizing principle of governments everywhere must be the environment." The environment would not, however, be the central organizing principle of Gore's own life.

The only place Al Gore conserves energy these days is on the treadmill. I don't want to suggest that Al's getting big, but the last time I saw him on TV I thought, "That reminds me — we have to do something about saving the polar bears."

Never mind his carbon footprint — have you seen the size of Al Gore's regular footprint lately? It's almost as deep as Janet Reno's.

But I digress. As has been widely reported, Gore's Tennessee mansion consumes 20 times the energy of the average home in that state. But it's OK, according to the priests of global warming. Gore has purchased "carbon offsets."

It took the Catholic Church hundreds of years to develop corrupt practices such as papal indulgences. The global warming religion has barely been around for 20 years, and yet its devotees are allowed to pollute by the simple expedient of paying for papal indulgences called "carbon offsets."

Americans spend an extra $2.2 billion on gas a year because they're overweight, requiring more fuel in cars to carry the extra pounds. So even with all those papal indulgences, Gore may have a small carbon footprint, but he has a huge carbon butt-print.

Further proving that liberalism is a religion, its practitioners respond with the zeal of Torquemada to any dissent from the faith in global warming.

A few years ago, Danish statistician Bjorn Lomborg wrote a book titled "The Skeptical Environmentalist," disputing the hysteria surrounding global warming and other environmentalist scares. Lomborg is a Greenpeace anti-war protester — or, as he is described on liberal Web sites, he is a "young, gay vegetarian Dane with tight T-shirts." His book was cited favorably in The New York Times.

But for questioning the "science" behind global warming, Lomborg was brought up on charges of "scientific misconduct" by Denmark's Inquisition Court, called the "Ministry of Science, Technology and Innovation." I take it Denmark's Ministry of Truth was booked solid that day.

The moment anyone diverges from official church doctrine on global warming, he is threatened with destruction. Heretics would be burnt at the stake if liberals could figure out how to do it in a "carbon neutral" way.

Climatologist Dr. Timothy Ball is featured in the new documentary debunking global warming, titled "The Great Global Warming Swindle." For this heresy, Ball has received hate mail with such messages as, "If you continue to speak out, you won't live to see further global warming."

I'm against political writers whining about their hate mail because it makes them sound like Paul Krugman. But that's political writers arguing about ideology.

Global warming is supposed to be "science." It's hard to imagine Niels Bohr responding to Albert Einstein's letter questioning quantum mechanics with a statement like: "If you continue to speak out, you won't live to see further quantum mechanics."

Come to think of it, one can't imagine the pope writing a letter to Jerry Falwell saying, "If you continue to speak out, you won't live to see further infallibility."

If this is how global warming devotees defend their scientific theory, it may be a few tweaks short of a scientific theory. Scientific facts are not subject to liberal bullying — which, by the way, is precisely why liberals hate science.

A few years ago, The New York Times ran an article about the continuing furious debates among physicists about quantum mechanics, which differs from global warming in the sense that it is supported by physical evidence and it doesn't make you feel good inside to "do something" about quantum mechanics. It is, in short, science.

Though he helped develop the theory of quantum mechanics, Einstein immediately set to work attacking it. MIT cosmologist Max Tegmark called the constant testing and arguing about quantum mechanics "a 75-year war."

That's how a real scientific theory operates. That's even how a real religion operates. Only a false religion needs hate mail, threats, courts of inquisition and Hollywood movies to sustain it.

COPYRIGHT 2007 ANN COULTER
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