Relationship Stuff

Today, July 20, 2004, marks three weeks for Ashley and me being a couple, even though it is a long-distance relationship.  With that in mind, I went through my e-mail to find some old items that I find could be useful for others that either in a relationship, or are in the courting stage.  I sent these to Ashley not long we met, she found them both funny and useful.  Thefirst one is titled Men's Rules (That Women Should Know):
 
Men's Rules (that women should know)


Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping. ---------------------------------------------------
 
I just did a copy and paste from my e-mail to this.  Here is the link, if it helps to read it easier:
http://us.f517.mail.yahoo.com/ym/ShowLetter?MsgId=6115_370103_19375_587_2267_0_3379_7339_3636476620&Idx=52&YY=66419&inc=25&order=down&sort=date&pos=2&view=a&head=b&box=Weblog%20Stuff
 
The next one is called Nine Phrases Guys Fear Most:
 
We all know that saying "I love you" can strike fear into the hearts of men. But do you know all the other three little words that will have him quaking in his boots? I talked to several guy friends to discover the phrases that freak them out most:
1. You're not serious. "I get this when I ask for her number, put a move on her or invite her back to my place," says Bob, a fraud investigator in Boston. "Girls can add to the fright factor by wearing a furrowed brow or withering look."
2. In your dreams. "This is a quick, yet effective, brush–off that no man wants to hear," notes Patrick, a law student in Palo Alto, Calif.
3. Meet my boyfriend "This is never a good thing to hear, especially if she gestures toward a burly guy with a menacing look or tattoos," says Nigel, a radiologist in Kansas City. "Unless I'm really drunk, I'll probably be too scared to put any more moves on you."
4. You want what? "If she says this to you, you know you've crossed some line of good taste or rational thought," says Bob. "It's never a good sign."
5. I'm leaving you. "This one's awful, not only because it spells the end of a relationship," Nigel remarks, "but because it makes you start thinking about all your shortcomings. No woman says this without giving you a list of every single thing that's wrong with you."
6. Is that you? "This is generally in response to an offensive smell and accompanied by a pinched nose, wrinkled brow or a quick dash from the room," Bob explains. "At least for me."
7. Let's be friends. "This one's sure to cause trepidation, especially," Pat posits, "if she's the girl of your dreams."
8. Who are you? "This one's really horrible the morning after," Bob allows. "But I'm not sure whom it reflects more poorly on — you or her."
9. Not tonight, honey. "Perhaps the second most frightening phrase you can say to a man after 'I love you,'" Nigel notes.
Bonus Phrases:
-We need to talk.-I really like you, but?-It's not you, it's me.-Does this outfit make me look fat? No, really?-Now tell the truth...-I heard what you did last weekend.-Do you think she?s attractive?-Why did you say that to my mother?-Do you like babies?-Dude, I'm totally not a woman.
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Feel free to e-mail me if there is a problem with either one.  I hope that you find them entertaining.