Source: http://freedomisgroovy.com/not-lazy-slob/
October 25, 2016
My biggest fear in retirement is morphing into a teat-sucking layabout—that is, a lazy slob. Work, for all its faults, adds structure to your life. It gets you up early and out of the freakin’ house (or in my case, down the freakin’ stairs).
But I no longer have the spur of work. Sleeping late won’t get me fired. Binge watching Breaking Bad won’t threaten the household’s finances.
So what to do? How do I force myself to exert myself when my brain knows I don’t have to? Yes, waking up at 5:30 in the morning and doing something constructive will do wonders for my soul. But sleeping to 9 or 10 feels so damn good.
To avoid becoming a teat-sucking layabout, I devised the following strategy. It’s certainly tailored to my needs and circumstances, but I think the average reader will find it quite advantageous as well. Let’s begin.
Industry Begets Industry
Aristotle believed that to become a just person, one must repeatedly do just acts. He was an early proponent of the notion that habits are destiny. So if we take this wisdom and apply it to slothfulness, our remedy is simple. In order to avoid being a teat-sucking layabout, one must not waste one’s free time ensconced on a couch or glued to Facebook. One must get off one’s arse and do something constructive. Industry begets industry. Here, then, are four anti-teat-sucking constructive acts you need to do every day.
Clean something. If you have stuff, there’s something to clean. If you have a car, your own place, and a pet, there’s even more to clean. So clean something every day. Mrs. Groovy and I have a cleaning schedule for our house. Every day, we each hit a different part. Today I dusted, wiped the top of the refrigerator, and cleaned the microwave. Mrs. Groovy cleaned the stairs and the toilets (poor Mrs. Groovy). And your cleaning doesn’t have to be a deep cleaning. Just engage in 15-20 minutes of moderate effort. That’s all you need to do. Your stuff will never be immaculate. But it will be tidy, and you’ll begin the process of turning constructive acts into habits.
Exercise. Every day Mrs. Groovy and I walk two miles. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I do my pull-ups and squats. Make exercise a part of your daily routine. And remember, exercise needn’t be grueling or time-consuming. Start out with 10 push-ups, 20 squats, and one minute of jumping up and down. Just do something physical. That’s the point. Less sitting and more moving.
Perform a random act of industry. Today, while I was walking past the kitchen sink, I noticed it contained a few unwashed dishes and utensils—the remnants of Mrs. Groovy’s breakfast. So I washed them. And while I was washing them, I noticed that our soap dispenser was getting low on soap. So I added soap to the dispenser. There, in five minutes I performed two random acts of industry. This is a great habit to get into. If you see something that needs to be done, do it—immediately. Don’t worry if it’s not your responsibility. Who cares about that. Remember, your goal here is not to become a teat-sucking layabout. And the more constructive acts you do in a day, the further you’ll be from being an actual teat-sucking layabout.
Learn something. Every day I do five Duolingo Spanish lessons. I also try to watch at least one Butterfly Spanish video on YouTube. Y mi español es todavÃa mal! Of course I want to become conversant in Spanish, but I know that might be a rather far-fetched goal at this point in my life. No, I humble myself daily with Spanish for two different reasons. First and foremost it’s another constructive act. And the more constructive acts you can cram into your day, the better. Second, I have an extreme bias toward learning. If you ain’t learning, you ain’t living. So please heed me on this one. Find something you want to be better at and practice it. Want to learn the piano? Play the piano for 30 minutes every day. Want to learn how to create your own widgets for your WordPress blog? Spend 30 minutes on wpbeginner.com every day. Want to learn personal finance? Read the three newest posts on Rockstar Finance every day.
There are only so many hours in the day, of course. And if you work or have kids, performing the above four constructive acts every day might not be feasible. But let’s say you’re an anti-teat-sucking-layabout rockstar. You not only perform these four constructive acts every day, you’re looking for even more to do. Well, if that’s the case, here are two bonus constructive acts for you.
Declutter or organize something. Do you have closets? Do you have kitchen drawers? Do you have a garage or attic? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you surely have something to declutter or organize. I currently have a basket stuffed with bills and medical records sitting on top of a file cabinet. My goal is to attack this basket for 10 minutes every day until everything is filed. Then I’m going to organize the cabinet beneath my kitchen sink.
Fix or improve something. Last week, Mrs. Groovy and I went around to every room in our house and made a punch list of things that needed to be done. Haven’t attacked the punch list yet. But that smudge on the bathroom wall that glares at me and mocks me while my arse is parked on the toilet will be painted over by Friday. So help me God!
Discipline Over Motivation
Motivation can only take you so far. When I worked in uptown Charlotte, a co-worker and I used to lunch occasionally at a Chinese restaurant that occupied a storefront right next to a mega gym. And every January 1, my co-worker and I would make note of how every stationary bike, treadmill, and, elliptical machine visible through the window was occupied—probably close to a hundred. We would then make note of how many were occupied on February 1. Invariably it was less than half. By March 1, only a handful of those machines were occupied.
Your best defense against the scourge of laziness is discipline, not motivation. So schedule your constructive acts for a set time every day, preferably in the morning. I wake up every morning at 5:30, and by 8:00 I’ve done my Spanish, my cleaning, and my exercise. Not exactly fun, but it’s a great way to make sure I have a good shot at “winning” the day. Remember: industry begets industry.
Another way to harness the power of discipline is to boycott television until a certain hour. There’s no hard and fast rule here, but if you can refrain from watching television until at least 9:00 pm every night, including the weekends, you’re very unlikely to become a teat-sucking layabout.
But a Little Motivation Never Hurts
Although you can’t depend on motivation for the long haul, it never hurts to have a little of it. It’s putting the “spring in Springfield,” so to speak.
To get my fix of motivation, then, I have two go-to podcasts: The Art of Manliness, hosted by Brett McKay, and The Tim Ferriss Show. Brett and Tim are both whack jobs, but in a good way. They both focus on how to become better human beings, and they’re not afraid to challenge conventional wisdom or take things to the extreme. And I especially like their podcasts that deal with mental toughness. Here are two recent examples of that.
Jocko Willink on Discipline, Leadership, and Overcoming Doubt
The Workout the World Forgot
I also get my motivation fix from YouTube. I’m fascinated with habits and willpower and how I can use these tools to my advantage. If you’re interested in this as well, I encourage you to YouTube the following people: Brian Johnson, Kelly McGonigal, and Charles Duhigg. Here are three great clips to get you started.
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
How to Turn Stress Into an Advantage
The Power of Habit
Final Thoughts
“I spent most of my money on booze and women, and the rest I wasted.”
I don’t know who said this, but I used to love this quote when I was a younger man. But now I have second thoughts. Is being a complete libertine really the answer to a fulfilling life? Perhaps some can pull it off. But I think most who try it will end up being broken down sots with vile STDs. And that doesn’t strike me as very appealing.
No, to me, a fulfilling life is an active life—where one endeavors to create or build, where one is a hero to his or her family and community, and where one is curious about the world and eager to explore it. After all, why were we bestowed with such exquisite brains? So we could just eat, sleep, and rut?
Okay, groovy freedomists, that’s all I got. What say you? Is my strategy for avoiding the perils of laziness sound? Or am I missing something. Let me know what you think when you get a chance. Peace.
Alternative Goal Setting: How Free Spirits and Slow-Burners Can Achieve Their Health Visions By Mark Sisson
Source:
https://www.marksdailyapple.com/alternative-goal-setting-how-free-spirits-and-slow-burners-can-achieve-their-health-visions/
January 10 2017
I’m a type A personality, so setting and attaining goals comes naturally to me. I desire a thing, determine the steps necessary to attain it, and follow through. It’s how I work best. Thanks to some timely comments from my decidedly un-type-A wife, Carrie, I’ve realized something: much of my advice is unwittingly geared toward people with similar inclinations.
But that doesn’t describe everyone. What about the rest of you? What about the slow burners and dreamers? The free spirits? When it comes to achieving a vision, what characterizes and organizes your process from desire to attainment?
Conventional wisdom tells us significant changes require that we establish and adhere to a list of preset action items—all in a concrete trajectory toward success. The problem is, this falls flat with some people. They might adhere for a while but lose interest because being hemmed in doesn’t fit their lifestyle or their personality. They don’t lack motivation. Some of us are simply more exploratory and squirrel-ly by nature.
Chalk it up to the “perceiving” (or an intuitive perceiving) on the Myers-Briggs or whatever you will, but it’s different strokes for different folks. Aside from the basic physiological nuts and bolts, hominids can be frustratingly (and beautifully) variable that way. While some people just don’t want to get on the stick with their goals, others are motivated but operate without the stick entirely. Clearly, we’re not dealing in productivity metaphors in quite the same way.
Most people’s answer would be to get more disciplined, more specific, more nailed down—to tame those free spirit instincts and stop all the nonsense, to push along those ambling slow burners already.
That doesn’t always work. The regular advice—do this, make a list, map your future, aim for a goal off in the distance—doesn’t work for a large subset of the population. Yet, by and large, that’s what’s available.
As a coach, husband, business owner, and father, I’ve learned how futile it is to expect someone to work against their own instincts. You can ask them to journal, to write their 5-year plan, to adhere to this or that daily regimen. They might even acknowledge your method’s validity on an intellectual level—but if it doesn’t resonate with their nature, it’s not going to stick. And that’s when an outside party is cajoling them. Imagine the futility when the dreamers are trying to cajole themselves into action. It’s hard to engage someone when you expect them to work entirely outside that person’s dominant instincts.
Interestingly, I’ve found that the malleability of the Primal Blueprint tends to attract a lot of folks with this disposition: big picture people, highly independent thinkers, intuitive types, abstract dreamers—people for whom other health approaches never felt right.
And while their path might not look like the most efficient, they’re just as capable of reaching their health goals—likely with a little extra time and creativity. The ultimate purpose for any of us isn’t perfection after all, but claiming our most enjoyable and energetic lives. There’s more than one way to arrive at that vision.
But what does the actual process end up looking like? How does a slow burner get enough momentum to keep going? How does a free spirit put positive changes into place? How do they progress without a tight plan?
Well, it looks looser, more organic. It’s slower. Maybe it meanders a bit along the way. And maybe it looks freer and even a little more fun. There’s more space most days, more choice. This means there’s more room for “error,” but errors we can learn from.
As I’ve observed in the freest spirit I know—my wife, Carrie—these folks are often more comfortable “being” with a chosen intention than “doing” a set action.
Maybe running five kilometers doesn’t appeal as an objective today, but asking yourself “How do I feel like moving today?” does. They might draw on an informal list of options for the day, rather than a single action item that absolutely must be completed or else. When there’s an intent and a general window(s) of time to do it in, those spirited types might be just as likely to run the duration as anyone—or hit a yoga class, or swim at the Y, or ask a friend to go on a bike ride.
Some of us prefer to be with an intent. Others of us need to be with a directive. As long as we approach either with integrity, the end result will be essentially the same.
To a type A like me, “being” in an intention sounds like standing in the midst of absolute nothingness. But for others, it feels spacious, inviting, and empowering. “How do I want to be with my physical strength today?” For the free in spirit, this can be the most inspiring question ever.
To be sure, the clarity of the intention matters. Bringing a solid intention but leaving a certain margin of choice for the inclination of the moment maintains an all-important sense of freedom. As a result, for these folks, it feels more rooted and doable in the moment.
The ongoing question becomes then, “Where do my intent and interest connect right now?”
Let me take a stab at offering some suggestions for those who identify as free spirits, slow burners (and any other variety of naturally hard-to-nail-down). These are my observations, informed by life and a little coaching strategy. And let me know what you think.
Don’t make specific goals at all. Build systems instead.
Scott Adams of Dilbert fame popularized this concept. When he started blogging, he didn’t have a goal in mind. There was no end in sight. He was simply blogging to practice his writing because better writing is a helpful skill. As it turns out, he’s since published successful books, and continues to use blogging as a system for honing his craft, generating new ideas, and experimenting with different narrative voices.
A systems approach to weight loss would mean that instead of focusing on a goal like losing however many pounds/inches/belt notches, you’d design the system of appealing choices that all naturally support a healthier body composition. (Hmm…sounds a little familiar.)
Apply selective structure.
Free spirits obviously exist in the world, raise families, hold jobs, pay their bills. Life gets done. And it likely involves a certain amount of scheduling and routine. No one get through life without some structure.
Consider what areas or choices related to your health vision you most want freedom in and where you’d be willing to design some degree of regimen. Maybe you do better deciding on meals in the moment but see the need to routinize a block of time for fitness. There’s still space for choice, but you’re not needing to corral everything as a moving part each day.
Let your body decide.
Your conscious appraisal of reality is delayed by a few milliseconds. We’re always reacting to events that transpire. So when, say, you open up the fridge and decide what to eat for breakfast, your brain is already leaning toward a choice. That’s why you “know” you’re better off eating eggs and bacon instead of the gluten-free cereal. Your first impetus is to do the right thing—”I should…”. Simply opt to listen to it.
In the fitness world, they call this autoregulation training. You don’t hit a pre-meditated number of reps or sets. You go by feel. You lift, then stop when you hit a level of effort you don’t want to maintain. This also applies to sprinting and endurance training.
Of course, there is one small hurdle: It takes a premeditated decision and a committed mindfulness to listen to your body for this to work.
Pay attention to how you respond to certain behaviors/foods.
If running sprints in the morning made you feel great right after and led to a productive, good-natured day at work and a good night’s sleep, do it again.
If caving and eating a half slice of cheesecake (“Hey, I avoided the graham cracker crust!”) at night makes you feel bad afterwards, don’t do it again.
If watching four hours of TV after work makes you ashamed, take it as information and stop doing it.
If you lose yourself in an activity—if you reach “flow” while doing CrossFit WODs—that’s probably an activity you want to do more regularly.
Heed the way you instinctively respond to various actions and foods. Your mood, your shame, your elation, your sense of rightness or wrongness with the world—these are physiological feedback streams for what you should and should not be doing. When you see yourself in conversation with your environment, you are in a perfect position to heed the supportive cues it’s offering to you.
Don’t turn into a layabout.
Being a “free spirit” isn’t a free pass to do nothing. I mean, sure, you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to, but you’re here. You’re reading. You’re interested in changing something. So, that’s not you.
If you’re a free spirit, don’t use your disposition as an excuse to chronically delay or dismiss your health vision. Even though you’re maybe not gunning after it with iron will and to-do lists in hand, live into it each day. Bring the lens of your intention to each choice. Commit to congruence.
And if you’re a type A personality, don’t tune out and think you’ve got it in the bag. You can reap the rewards of casual and free exploration. You can learn something from your intuition. And you should let your thoughts wander, too. Not all the time—it’s not in your nature—but the occasional injection of undisciplined exploration will lead to some really cool developments. Think of it as a short vacation for your mind, the kind where you come back refreshed with new ideas and insights. I’m a big fan of self-experimentation, and those are times when I do better stepping out of my type A approach.
In truth, all of us can likely find some sense and wisdom here—especially for days or moods when the usual routine won’t fit in the schedule or when we need a mental break from an otherwise established program.
The world is a finicky place. You cannot foresee all that will befall you. You can’t predict everything, nor will your plans all come to pass as intended. Being open to organic developments is simply good policy, especially as our world grows more complex and interconnected.
In the end, our health endeavors are less about the goals themselves than about how congruent we feel our lives are with our visions for them. Directed by purpose, we find many entry points that lead to the same end.
But more important than the end is the moment. This one right now. Apply your intention to it, and be well.
Thanks for reading, everyone. Let me know your thoughts here, and have a great week.
How to Stop Being a Loser
Source:
https://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Being-a-Loser
November 3, 2018
Nobody wants to be a loser. Luckily, with just a little time and energy, no one has to! No matter who you are, turning your life around can be as easy as deciding that you're going to draw a line in the sand and make a change right now. Don't let people tell you you're a loser — instead, ignore their pettiness and work to be the best, happiest person you can be. You can become a winner. See Step 1 below to get started!
Value yourself. If there's only one thing you do to improve yourself, make it this. When people genuinely value and respect themselves, it's obvious to everyone around them. These people may not all be bubbly and effervescent, but they all exude a sense of self-worth and confidence that makes it obvious that they don't consider themselves losers. Start by thinking of all of the good, valuable things about yourself — things you're good at, ways you enjoy yourself, and so on. Knowing that you have your own unique strengths and talents makes it so much easier to love yourself and so much harder to pay any attention to people who may try to put you down.
- If you're feeling down and you're having trouble finding value in yourself, try the following exercise. Take a piece of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle. At the top of one side, write "pros", and at the top of the other, write "cons". Begin to write your positive and negative attributes in the appropriate columns. For each "con" you write, try to write two "pros". When you've filled your "pros" column, stop and review what you've written down. Your positive qualities should dwarf your negative ones.
Devote time to your hobbies and interests. People who spend time doing what they love have an easier time loving themselves. The fun and self-satisfaction you get from indulging your hobbies and interests is great for building confidence and increasing your sense of self-worth. If you're not already doing so, try to spend a little time every day or week doing something positive and fun that you love. If you can do your hobbies with other people, even better — your friends can take the entertainment level of your hobbies from "fun" to "let's do this again as soon as we can".
- This advice is especially true if your work or school situation isn't ideal. It can be tricky to find a new job that you love or get a new group of friends at school, but it's not very hard, for instance, to spend a little time practicing piano every evening if you love music.
- Try to tend towards skill-based activities that you can improve at over time. While watching TV and playing video games can be fun, they don't usually offer any serious potential for self-improvement.
Stay physically active. Believe it or not, the way you treat your physical body can have a noticeable effect on the way you view yourself emotionally. Exercise has been proven to cause the release of chemicals called endorphins in the brain which can help you feel positive and upbeat. Frequently devoting a little time and energy to your fitness can help you feel more relaxed, confident, and energetic. Additionally, exercise is known to help treat depression.
[1] These qualities all make exercise a great option for people looking to increase their overall mood.
- To be perfectly clear, you don't need to have a body like a professional athlete to be happy. Though everyone's fitness needs are different, the Centers for Disease Control recommend that adults should aim for about 1 1/4 hours - 2 1/2 hours of cardio exercise per week (depending on its intensity) in addition to strength-training exercise on two or more days each week.[2]
Work hard at your job or school. It's easiest to feel good about yourself if you're excelling at your personal and professional goals. Unless you're one of the fortunate few who can afford to live a life of leisure and luxury, odds are that you have some sort of professional obligations — for most people, this means work or school. Apply yourself when you tackle these responsibilities. Not only can this help you gain a better self image, but it can also lead to promotions, good grades, and so on, which in turn will increase your sense of self-worth. You don't have to
kill yourself with effort to feel satisfied with yourself (for instance, don't miss the birth of your first child to squeeze in a few more hours at the desk), but you should make a habit of working hard and doing a great job at whatever you do.
- If you've recently lost your job, don't be ashamed — instead, work hard to find another, better one. Don't forget the old cliché: "Finding a job is a job."
- Beware of people who encourage you to neglect your work or school in favor of short term fun. While a little recreational activity is always a great idea, someone who consistently abandons his responsibilities for cheap thrills is the very definition of a loser.
Be responsibly social. People are social animals — we're meant to spend time with one another. In fact, social withdrawal is generally seen as one of the most common signs of depression.
[3] If you've been feeling down on yourself lately, reaching out to friends or family members you haven't seen in a while can be a great way to get negative thoughts back on track. Spending just a single afternoon having a great time with people you're close to can completely re-orient your outlook on life.
- While it's almost always a great idea to spend time hanging out with friends, try not to dwell exclusively on negative thoughts and emotions when you're with them. Good friends should be more than happy to talk with you about any serious problems you have, but making a habit of "dumping" your emotional issues on your friends can be very fatiguing for them. Instead, try talking to family members, role models you trust, like teachers, bosses, or religious figures who know you, or professional counselors.
Plan for your future. People who have their long-term responsibilities in order have an easier time enjoying themselves in the short term because they don't have to worry as much about the problems that tomorrow might bring. If you're working, don't put off saving for retirement — you'll never regret starting to save money at an early age, even if you can only afford to put away a little at first (for more information, see
How to Save Money). If you're in school, spend a little time thinking about your plans for continuing education or employment. Ask yourself, "Will I proceed to the next level of education when I'm done with school, or will I start looking for a job?"
- If you know the answer to either of these two questions, start looking for jobs or schools you might like. It's never to early to start planning for your future. Plus, you can always change your plans if you start to feel differently.
Surround yourself with good people. The people we hang out with can shape us. They can change our priorities, introduce us to people and things we wouldn't otherwise have encountered, and generally make our lives richer. However, if we spend a lot of time hanging out with people who have no goals, no hobbies, and negative attitudes about life, it's easy to get a distorted view of what's important. If you have a sneaking suspicion that you're spending your personal time, don't be afraid to limit the amount of time you spend with these people until you get your own life in order. You may find that once you've sorted things out for yourself, you suddenly are less interested in spending time with these people anyway. If you're unsure, look for these un-helpful attitudes in the people you're spending your time with:
- Negative self-images (e.g. comments like, "Why can't I do anything right?")
- Negative views of you (e.g. comments like, "Ugh, you again.")
- A lack of personal hobbies or interests
- Hobbies and interests solely related to drug use, "slacker" activities, etc.
- An inactive lifestyle (e.g. lots of time spent on couch, watching TV, etc.)
- A lack of goals or personal direction
Don't listen to the haters. Life's too short to worry about what petty people think of you. If someone's making you feel bad about yourself with the things he or she is saying, you don't have to accept it. Instead, let them know how their comments make you feel. Saying something simple like, "Hey, knock it off. Quit being a jerk!" is usually enough to let most people know that you don't appreciate their negativity. If they won't change, stop hanging out with them! You shouldn't feel any obligation to spend time with people you hate (outside of required functions like weddings, birthday parties, and so on, of course).
We all want to be the person we imagine, try being the best version of what you can manage. Simplify your life, and have fun.
Warnings
- Don't become a mindless sheep following the crowd. Be who you are and who you want to be. That means not listening to mainstream music just to become a member of the crowd.
- Don't get discouraged: you can improve yourself with some effort.
References
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↑ http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/exercise-depression
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↑ http://www.cdc.gov/physicalactivity/basics/adults/index.htm
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↑ http://www.webmd.com/ahrq/depression-traps-and-pitfalls
