Written on 12/16/04

It is not a very good start for me this morning. I broke down and cried right before I left home this morning. With people bringing up the "M" word, my niece due to have her third in February, and people asking me whether or not I am still a temporary have finally caught up to me. I suppose that the tears that rolled down my face have been a long time coming. Each person can only take so much.

As far as work goes, I would not be shocked if I was notified that tomorrow is my last day. Apparently, I did something wrong. The one person that I had been working with on this came over not long after I had arrived. I told her that I had entered was given to the file room personnel. All that I have for a defense is that I am giving it my best effort, trying to keep mistakes to a minimum. I do not claim, nor have I ever said, to be perfect. Right now, I am sitting here doing this while waiting for something to work on. Yes, my confidence is as about as steady as a buoy in the Delaware River.

In regards to the temporary/permanent status, I have absolutely no control over that. Yes, I have been working at the same place for over two years as a temporary, handling various special projects. I have enjoyed my tenure here, doing whatever it is they ask me to do. Changing my status at the temporary would probably not change matters much. (I am omitting the rest of this paragraph that I originally wrote.)

As far as the "M" word goes, even Ashley e-mailed me, saying that it just takes time. To a degree, she is correct. Even Diana Ross and The Supremes sang about it. Besides that, it also requires the opportunity to see if things will work out. It is called a chance! I lost count a long time ago how many times I have come up short, regardless of the effort level on my part. As for my niece, I am sure to get around and voice my Dr. Phil/ Judge Joe Brown-like opinion. I wish not to elaborate on these subjects any further, at this time.
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Update: My niece is having a boy. I just found out on Saturday, 12/18. I will be going back to my assignment on Monday, as usual.