How To Set Up Your Friends (without Losing Them)

Source: The N http://www.the-n.com/checkit/article.php?id=2707

How To Set Up Your Friends (without Losing Them)
by Mary Chen


When you're not on a dating show like Best Friend's Date (where the whole thing becomes literally a spectator sport) matchmaking your friends might seem deceptively simple. If you think it's just a matter of, "Hey, those two would be so awesome together. Therefore, I shall make it happen!" -- trust me, hon, it CAN go wrong. But if you keep some stuff in mind, maybe it won't. Stuff like:

Do It for Them, Not for You:
If you're just setting up your friend because it's convenient for you -- as in you're sick of them either being a third wheel or complaining about you spending so much time with your bf/gf -- probably it's a good idea to stop right here. The ultimate set-up is done out of love and generosity, not annoyance.

Listen to Your Target's Heart, Not Your Own:
Maybe there's someone your friend is already kind of into, but they're just having trouble making a move. You could help out there, no sweat. Or if not, there is probably a set of characteristics that they're looking for, which you could listen to very carefully. Basically, you don't want to make the mistake of setting your friend up with someone YOU would be into, rather than someone right for them.

Be a Secret Silent Cupid Agent:
When you make an obvious ploy to set two people up, you're making some pretty huge statements to both of those people -- about who you think they're into, who you think they "deserve," and how you envision their love life. And sometimes, completely without meaning to, you can insult them. One way to avoid that is to never be obvious about the fact that you're even trying.

Just get both people into the same place under totally friendly circumstances, perhaps throw in a casual mention of their singleness, and see what happens. Maybe the sparks will fly (the good kind of sparks) and those two will take care of the rest on their own. Or, if they're too shy for that, they'll at least tell you afterwards that they felt some internal sparks. That way, if you help things along, you're not setting anyone up! You're just helping nature take its course!

But there's a crucial other side to that equation: What if they're NOT expressing any spark sensations? You could very carefully ask what they thought of the other person. But if they're not forthcoming with the crush gush at that point, that's when you have to have the strength to step away from the train wreck. Just let the whole thing die and no one will ever be the wiser.