Tickle: Matchmaking and Online Dating

Source: Tickle: Tips & Advice http://www.web.tickle.com/match/about/tips.jsp

Write an eye-catching headline


Our profile headline is your chance to quickly tell other Tickle Matchmaking members who you are, what you're looking for, or why you'd be great for them. Your headline is the first thing people will read about you - so it's important to spend a some time really thinking about how you want to come across to others. Here are a few tried and true tips for writing a great headline:

Be original. Stay away from over-used, generic headlines such as "I'm the One" or "Looking for Love". Instead, think about why you are the one or why you're looking for love - such as, "I'd make you the best peach pie you've ever eaten."

Be you. What makes you unique? Your headline should play up the parts of your personality that give you character. Be honest about what you like about yourself. Think about compliments you've received from friends and how they would describe you to others.

"Smart, sophisticated, and mellow" is clear and to the point.

"Grounded Brit loves talks and teatime" tells you what this person likes to do.

"I eat endorphins for breakfast" - enough said.

Or, take Tickle's Ultimate Personality Test and get a fun and accurate analysis of your personality. Then use what you learn about your personality to help you write a headline that is truly you.

Be concise. The best headlines are 3 - 6 words long and send a message that others can quickly and clearly understand.:

Be clear. It pays to be clever, but you don't want to lose or confuse people with headlines that assume a certain sense of humor or make references to obscure books, movies, or events. Save chats about obscure topics for your first email or a face to face conversation.

Be positive. Stay away from using words that set you in a negative or pessimistic light, like "Lonely" "Desperate", and "Discouraged". Even if you are feeling this way, most people aren't looking for people who are lonely, desperate, or discouraged.

Be fresh. It's a good idea to update your headline every once in a while to show people you're still out there - and to see if you get more or less attention depending on the message your headline is sending.



Write a profile they can't ignore


Often, the hardest part of creating your profile is describing yourself to others. Tickle Matchmaking gives you the freedom to define yourself so you can put your best foot forward. Here are a few suggestions for getting started:

Think about what sets you apart. How are you different? What gives you your unique character? If your friends were describing you, what would be the three things they would all say about you? These are good questions to ask yourself as you get ready to write your profile.

Another fun way to present yourself in a fresh light is to take one or more Tickle tests and write about what your test result says about you. To take a Tickle test, click here.

Be honest. Honesty is taken seriously at Tickle Matchmaking and it's the single most important thing to remember when writing a great profile. It's much easier to write about yourself if you are honest about who you are. It prevents you from having to spin ways to best sell yourself or guess at what you think other people want to read.

A big part of being honest is not misleading people down the road. People will assume that what you write is true — and you don't want to set people up for a surprise later by stretching the truth in your profile. For example, if you hate camping, don't say you love it just to grab the eye of an outdoorsy type.

Show, don't tell: The best profiles show, don't tell, who you are at your best. If you are known for being funny, try explaining how or why you are funny - such as, "I've been known to show up to a party in a wig", instead of "I have a good sense of humor." Paint a picture in their minds of the kind of person you are.

Be open and conversational. Leave formality at the door and write your profile like you are talking to a good friend. Of course, there are some things you might tell a good friend that you probably don't want to include in your profile. It's a good idea to avoid mentioning past relationships and exes, or discoursing on being lonely or desperate. Be optimistic!

Include a photo: Your smile, the background that you're photographed in, what you're wearing, they all paint a picture of what you're truly like. And including a recent photo will get you 10 times the attention.

Check your spelling and grammar. Check your profile for typos and spelling mistakes before you submit it. Show you spent time thinking about and writing your profile.

Update your profile. Keep your profile fresh. Every now and then, go back to your profile and update it to let people know you're still out there.



Photos that get noticed


A recent and honest picture of yourself is probably the most important part of your profile. And Tickle Matchmaking members who include a photo with their profile get 10 times the attention! Here are some pointers on how to select a photo that will stand out from the rest:

Honestly you. An honest picture of yourself will also draw the right people to you. Whether it's your smile, the background you are photographed in, what you are wearing - your photo should show off who you are now.

The best pictures are ones that really look like who you are today - and not what you looked like 10 years ago at your high school graduation.

So, choose a recent, true-to-life photo of yourself that captures your unique spirit. It will keep you from having to own up later to a photo that isn't you or that shows you at a different time in your life.

Go solo. Your primary photo should feature YOU (not you with a group of friends). Save pictures of you with your family or dog for your second and third photo positions.

Face shot. Make sure the picture you choose for your primary photo is large enough to see your face. A picture of a miniature you scaling an enormous mountainside does a good job of showing your adventurous side, but isn't the best choice to include with your profile. A close-up works much better.

Lighting. Photos taken outdoors, with natural lighting are often the best quality. Also, try taking or selecting a black and white photo, as they tend to be more flattering and less common than color and stand out because they are less commonly posted.

Go candid. A posed shot is great, but a candid photo usually captures the more genuine you.

Keep your photo fresh. New haircut? A great tan? Updating your photo once in a while keeps your profile fresh and lets people know you are still out there.

Click here to add a photo now or to read our photo submission guidelines.



Write a message that grabs their attention


What to say? If you find yourself asking this question, you've come to the right place. Here are a few tips on how to write a great message:

Greet by name. First things first — greet the person you are sending a message to by their Tickle Matchmaking user name. This shows them that you know who you are writing to — and adds an immediate personal touch to your message.

Read their profile. Tickle Matchmaking profiles reveal a lot about a person. So, before writing someone for the first time, you should spend a few minutes reading about their likes and dislikes, and what they're looking for in another person. When contacting someone, it helps to mention specific things they wrote in their profile. This shows that you have taken the time to learn a little about them before contacting them.

Personalize your message. Take this advice to heart: don't send form letters. A good message is one that is as unique as the person you are contacting. It's easy to spot a message that has been cut and pasted from one person to the next. If you want someone to respond to you, return the favor: show that you have spent the time to respond to them.

Ask a question. A nice way to add a personal touch to a message — and to gently encourage the person you're contacting to write back — is to include a question to them (preferably related to something they wrote in their profile) in your message.

Ask them to take a Tickle test. Tickle Matchmaking members say they have never had so much fun finding out about themselves and matching up with other members based on Tickle test results. So, invite someone to take a Tickle test and see how you match up!

State your intentions. If this is your first contact with this person, be sure to tell them why you decided to write them. Never send a blank email with just a link to your profile. Be honest with them about why their profile caught your eye. Was it their photo, a common interest, or the way in which their profile was written? Let them know why you picked them.

Also, tell them what you are looking for. Are you looking for a new friend to go hiking with or a long-term relationship? If you let them know now what your expectations for writing them are, you may be preventing potential disappointment later. Remember, there is good chance you could end up meeting this person!

Short and sweet. You shouldn't feel like you have to tell someone your life story the first time you contact them. Keep your message short and sweet and share only enough information for the other person to determine if you're the type of person they're looking for.

Keep in mind, too, that comments about what you do on the weekends, and where you live might give away more about your true identity than you'd like.

Include a photo. If the person you are contacting has included a photo with their profile, it's fair game that you include one in yours before contacting them. If you don't want to include one in your profile, offer to send them one via email - don't make them feel uncomfortable by having to ask you for one.

The sign off. Before signing off, let the person you're contacting know what you'd like to happen next. It's okay to ask them to check out your profile or to send you a message.

How you close your message is entirely up to you. But keep in mind that you might scare people off if you sign your message with romantic sayings such as "Yours Truly", "Fondly", or "Thinking of You". Tickle Matchmaking members often include their first name when signing off - but again, only share information about yourself that you're comfortable with sharing.

Check for typos. Before hitting the "Send" button, give your message the once over for typos and spelling mistakes. You don't want to come across as being sloppy or hurried while writing your message.

Respect their boundaries. If the person you are contacting is interested in meeting men between the ages of 20 and 35, and you are 45 year old male, don't contact them. It's that simple.

Keep your identity private. You should avoid revealing your true identity when contacting someone. Never give out your last name, email address, phone number, or street address.

Getting a response. Tickle Matchmaking members aren't obligated to write back, so don't take it personally if the person you contacted doesn't respond right away. If someone writes back to say they are not interested, don't write them again. Just move on to the next profile and start the excitement all over again!



A safe and fun first date


You've swapped messages, gotten to know each other, and now you're ready to meet face to face. Here are a few things to keep in mind when preparing for a first date:

Where to go. When choosing a place to meet for that exciting first date, it's best to pick a public place. A busy restaurant or coffee shop is a good choice. Another good choice is to plan a daytime date - such as going to a baseball game or playing a round of mini-golf. Here are a few other popular suggestions for a safe and fun first date:

· A picnic in the park
· Strolling around a museum
· A matinee showing of a movie or play
· An outdoor music festival
· Attending a sporting event - such as a baseball or football game
· Coffee date at a popular coffee shop

You might also want to meet someplace other than your favorite spots to hang out - or at least not mention that the meeting spot is someplace you frequent often. That way, you'll maintain control. If this person is eager to see you again, they might come looking for you in the same location if they know it's one of your favorites - whether you want them to, or not.

How to get there. When meeting someone for the first time, be sure you meet them at your designated date location. Never have them pick you up - as you'll then need to reveal your street address or general neighborhood location. If you aren't driving, arrange for a friend to drop you off, or take a cab. But if you take a cab, be sure at least one friend knows the details of where you're going and at what time. Also be sure to carry enough cash to grab a cab ride home after the date if you need to.

What to talk about. Break the ice by paying the other person a genuine compliment, or asking them more about details from their profile. Everyone likes to be flattered, and everyone likes to know that you've taken the time to get to know as much about you as they could. A sincere compliment, and we stress sincere, is a great way to jumpstart a conversation. If that doesn't feel natural, think about what attracted you to them, and take it from there.

Lots of people feel nervous until they've had a chance to warm up and get a read on the situation. If you're feeling tongue-tied, why not ask them their opinion on a current event? Listening to their thoughts on the subject will give you time to get over your initial shyness, as well as stall so you have a chance to pull yourself together and feel comfortable.

Use your instincts to stay safe. Any date you go on should be voluntary — from beginning to end. Even if you're date has rearranged their schedule, paid for everything and gotten a parking ticket just to be with you on your date, you don't owe them anything. And don't let them tell you otherwise. They can yell, they can pout, they can stamp their feet. But if your gut says you're uncomfortable, you don't trust them, you just feel weird but can't put your finger on it, you can excuse yourself, thank them for the evening and walk away. When in doubt, trust your gut and pay attention to any red flags.

Sometimes it's easy to get caught in the moment of being with someone, especially if you're dazzled by certain charms - their looks, their smile, their job, their charisma. But if this person is truly your Mr. or Mrs. Right, you'll have plenty of opportunities to find out in future dates. Be secure enough to know that if this date doesn't work out, there are others just waiting for you around the corner.

If at any point you feel in physical danger, diffuse the situation, involve others around you, call a friend to come get you, get out of there, or even call the police if warranted. Better safe than sorry. No one can blame you for looking out for yourself. And there's no reason to feel embarrassed or worry about what your date will think, or say to you if you "escape" them and an uncomfortable situation. Remember you've known yourself a lot longer than you've known them. Trust yourself, not them. Your safety and comfort level are more important than other's people opinions of you.

Be particularly careful in unfamiliar places. If you're out of your element, be particularly cautious. Whether you're meeting your date in a new part of town, or a different town all together, you want to make sure you set up contingency plans in case something goes wrong. To prepare yourself, always make your own arrangements - even if your date offers you a place to stay or to make hotel or travel reservations for you. Keep it completely in your control by arranging things yourself and keep the relevant information to yourself so that at any point in your date, you have the power to leave without them knowing where you are headed or how to get in touch with you.

If you arrive at the designated date meeting place, and you don't feel comfortable there, either apologize and excuse yourself from the date, or suggest that you go to a different place that you select. Better yet, do your research before you meet your date. If you live in the same city, grab a friend and swing by the intended establishment - both during the day and at night. Remember that the feel of many areas changes once it's dark outside. If you don't like the vibe of the establishment or a neighborhood, reschedule your date and propose an alternative destination.


Online dating safety - general guidelines


You're in control. The beauty of meeting and relating online is that you can collect information gradually, later choosing whether to pursue the relationship in the offline world. You never are obligated to meet anyone, regardless of your level of online intimacy. And even if you decide to arrange a meeting, you always have the right to change your mind. It's possible that your decision to keep the relationship at the anonymous level is based on a hunch that you can't logically explain. Trust yourself. Go with your instincts.

Here are some guidelines for how to date safely - both on and offline:

Remain anonymous. Don't put your last name, email address, phone number, street address, or place of work in your profile or in any messages you send to other Tickle Matchmaking members. Remember, when sending a message to another member, to turn off your automatic signatures.

If someone is trying to pressure you into giving them personal information, either blatantly or through trickery, you should immediately stop communicating with them.

Once you're ready to share your email address with a member outside of the Tickle Matchmaking service, you may want to think about setting up an email address through a free email provider like Yahoo or Hotmail so that you don't reveal your home or work email address.

Go slowly. Set your own pace for getting to know someone. Spend time communicating through email until you feel comfortable enough to actually meet them. Don't be coerced into meeting someone you're not ready to meet — and definitely put the brakes on communicating with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. Trust your instincts.

Use caution and common sense. If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Watch for any instances of odd behavior or displays of anger or extreme frustration. You should immediately stop communicating with someone who tries to control or pressure you, makes disrespectful comments, or exhibits sexually or physically inappropriate behavior.

To report behavior like this to Tickle Matchmaking, please visit our feedback page.

Warning signs to keep in mind. When you meet your date, do they look like their photo on Tickle Matchmaking? It's possible that your date isn't very photogenic and looks quite different in real life. But if they look too different, if you notice birthmarks or features that seem different from the photo you are accustomed to, be on guard.

Other red flags include:

· Are they getting their stories mixed up? If your date starts giving you conflicting information, or stutters or seems hesitant to answer certain reasonable questions, be one guard
· Are they willing to speak on the phone after emailing for a while and before meeting in person?
· Does anything about their email, or phone manner seem strange or out of place to you?
· Do they change the subject, act suspiciously or not answer your questions directly? That is the sign of someone who has something to hide.
· Do they seem completely different on the phone than they were over email? Do they seem different in person than they did on email or on the phone?
· Are they controlling? Always trying to set the plans, direct the conversation?
· Once you've met, do they introduce you to friends or family, or are the resistant to meeting your friends and your family?

Tickle Matchmaking takes dishonesty and inappropriate behavior seriously. Please notify us on our feedback page if you feel someone at Tickle Matchmaking has misrepresented themselves.

Talking on the phone. The great thing about dating online is that you get to control the speed and intensity of your relationship. If you think you want to take your email relationship to a phone relationship, you should wait a few days and see if the feeling remains - and get to know each other just a little bit better online. It's sometimes a good idea to let the other person bring up talking on the phone first. That way, if you're ready, too, you know you are on the same page.

If they ask for your phone number and you're not ready to give it out, say "No," but ask them for a number you can call when you're ready. If you do decide to call, pay attention to who answers the phone and the background noises you hear.

When you are ready to share your phone number, give them a cell phone number or use a local telephone blocking techniques to prevent your phone number from appearing in Caller ID. Only give out your phone number when you feel completely comfortable with doing so.

Meet ONLY when YOU are ready. You are not responsible for what your date is like or how they behave. But you are responsible for getting as much information as you need about this person to feel confident that you can handle any situation that comes your way. Do your research, do everything you can to make sure your meeting will be safe.

This includes:

· Making sure you're comfortable in the neighborhood, and with the venue you select
· Making sure at least one, responsible friend knows where you are headed, with whom and when
· Making sure you look for odd signs of behavior from your date before you meet
· Making sure you listen to your gut about any strange feelings.
· Making sure you don't ignore warning signs when they present themselves - no matter how well you think the date is going.