More Deep Throat Stuff

Long time, no contact.

Rex e-mailed me some more items in regards to Deep Throat. Feel free to check it out.

http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/617862#sw

The link above is Rex's thing called THE DEEP THROAT BRIEF. He has an interesting point of view.

I will provide some more links, courtesy of Rex:

http://centrisity.blogspot.com/2005/02/win-deep-throats-money.html

Oops! That may give it away.

Here is the final link. A quote from Rex- "And another reader sent this article saying that Don Segretti claims to know Deep Throat's identity."

http://www.nbc4.tv/politics/4179658/detail.html

Enjoy reading them!

Bill

"Endless Love" -- A Dozen Tried and True Tips for Keeping the Flame Alive

"Endless Love" -- A Dozen Tried and True Tips for Keeping the Flame Alive
by Chelsea Badeau, Comcast.net Editor

What little girl doesn't dream of finding her prince charming and living happily ever after? We all want to find that "endless love," the soulmate that we can not only spend the rest of our lives with, but spend it with joy and romance. It's easy to be discouraged –– a look at news reports and Harris polls proclaiming that half of all marriages end in divorce these days is enough to bring anyone down –– and to give up hope that any relationship can stand the test of time. Even if true, these statistics only tell half the story –– the other 50% of marriages do last forever, but rarely make the news.

So what is the recipe, the magic formula for keeping love — and romance — alive in a long–term relationship? Naturally, I started looking for answers by checking in with my mom. After all, she and my dad have been together for over 30 years now. In addition to sharing her own secrets for success, she polled a group of her married friends that have been together a decade or more. Here are their combined "Top 12 Tips for Keeping Love Alive:"

12. Love his mother, Honor her father — Some men are always "mama's boys," and some women remain "daddy's little girls." One of my mother's friends wrote, "When I see how kind he is to my mom, my heart just swells with love for him." Accepting and respecting the in–laws reduces stress and demonstrates that you accept and respect your partner.

11. Spend time with the kids — When asked what they appreciated most about their husbands, all of the moms answered, "he is such a great dad." Watching your partner teaching or playing with children has an endearing charm that goes straight to the heart. Enjoying quality family time is the foundation for happy memories that sustain a relationship through the trials and challenges that will inevitably come along.

10. Take care of yourself — At the beginning of a relationship, you take the time to fix your hair and freshen your breath to spiff up for a date. But as time goes on, it is easy to get a little too comfortable and let yourself go. Both men and women appreciate a partner who puts a little energy into staying healthy and attractive — get off the couch and eat well, exercise (together?), and update your hair and wardrobe.

9. Maintain outside interests — You fell in love with him because he was interesting. He fell in love with you because you were fascinating. Nothing kills a relationship faster than boredom. Keep up your outside interests — your career, hobbies, and friends. Read, learn, and continue to grow as a person. Continue to be that woman of mystery, that man of intrigue who created such excitement in the early days of your relationship. Don't expect your partner to meet all your emotional needs. Women — keep your girlfriends. Men — make time for your buddies. Respect each other's need for time alone, show genuine interest in each other's jobs, friends, and activities — but don't crowd and smother one another.

8. Learn to argue well — Conflict is inevitable. You will argue and even fight. Learn to do it constructively and well. Be able to disagree without being disagreeable. Holding everything inside only creates festering emotional wounds, or eventually explosive rage. Nagging, whining, or complaining about your partner to others undermines your relationship and feeds unhealthy negativity. Learning how to listen, to give and accept criticism, to vent angry feelings, to say "I'm sorry," to forgive, and to not always have to be right can make the difference between a short and long–term relationship. Break plates if you need to — but don't let unexpressed or poorly expressed anger break up your relationship.

7. Accentuate the positive — Be free and frequent with compliments and appreciation. Don't assume he knows you appreciate him. Don't assume she knows you think she's still beautiful — say it out loud. The women polled said that giving and receiving daily compliments, including upbeat emails, little notes on the dash of the car, or "thank you for remembering to wash my favorite shirt" voicemails fan the flames of love all day long. And complimenting your partner in front of others will earn you bonus points.

6. Don't neglect physical affection —Remember, it's not all about S–E–X!!! Hugs, kisses, hand–holding, foot massages, backrubs, cuddles, even tickling are essential to feeling loved and staying connected. Regular and frequent affectionate touching leads to more satisfying, frequent, and sizzling lovemaking. Spice things up in the bedroom — and beyond.

5. Set Aside Special Couple Time — Many satisfied longtime partners swear by a weekly date. Others point to an hour of downtime –– alone –– in the evening. Others suggest that an annual vacation — sans kids — is the ticket to success. However you manage it, just do it. Spend time alone together — a relationship will quickly grow cold if the busy–ness and business of everyday life is allowed to encroach on all of your "couple time." And don't expect quality couple time to "just happen." Plan it and then don't let anything get in the way.

4. It's the little things — While vacations, hot dates, and romantic gestures will go a long way towards keeping love alive, it is really the little, daily expressions of caring that keep the warmth and joy in long–term relationships. Fixing her coffee in the morning the way she likes it, picking up your socks without being reminded, taking over one of his usual chores when he is tired, asking about her day and showing genuine interest in the answer –– these little moments add up to big dividends in a long–term relationship.

3. Build trust — Trust is hard. It takes time to build and is easy to break. Value your partner's trust and don't do anything to compromise it. Demonstrate your trust in him — don't let jealousy get a foothold in your relationship. In a trusting relationship, you are free to feel and express a full range of emotions. You feel safe even when you are most vulnerable.

2. Surprise! — Don't stop surprising him, do the unexpected. So you're not the world's best cook? Plan a romantic dinner — even if your culinary skills are lacking, your efforts will be appreciated and might prove to be humorous — laughter is one of the key ingredients in any healthy relationship. Keep your partner slightly off–balance by doing new, fun, and silly things routinely.

And the number one most important tip for keeping love alive is:

1. Dream together — A relationship can survive devastating financial losses, unfathomable grief, traumas, challenges, illness, periods of unexpected separation, and more –– as long as it is built on a foundation of shared faith, common values, goals, dreams, hopes, and a vision for a future together. "To love is not to look at one another, but to look together in the same direction." –– Antoine de Saint–Exupery

Chelsea Badeau can be reached at chelscorner@comcast.net.

The opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

Waist Circumference Predicts Heart Disease Risk

Waist Circumference Predicts Heart Disease Risk

Mon Feb 21, 7:46 AM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - The circumference of your waist correlates more closely with several known risk factors for heart disease than does your body mass index (BMI) -- the measure of weight in relation to height -- according to a report in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition (news - web sites).

The findings are based on an analysis of data from 10,969 subjects who participated in the third National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey from 1998 to 1994.

Dr. Shankuan Zhu, from the Medical College of Wisconsin in Milwaukee, and colleagues found that waist circumference was more strongly tied to cholesterol levels, blood pressure, and blood glucose levels than was BMI.

Among men, the circumferences that were equivalent in terms of cardiovascular risk to being overweight or obese were highest for whites, lowest for blacks, and intermediate for Mexican Americans. By contrast, the waist measurement cutoffs among women varied little by ethnicity.

Combining the data from the three ethnic groups, waist measurements of 89 and 101 centimeters (35 and 40 inches) in men conferred a cardiovascular risk comparable to BMIs of 25 (overweight) and 30 (obese).

The waistlines with the corresponding risks for women were 83 and 94 cm (about 33 and 37 ins).

"The present study reports waist circumference cutoffs that correspond to well-established BMI cutoffs, recommended by the World Health Organization (news - web sites) and the National Institutes of Health (news - web sites) for overweight and obesity, in their association with cardiovascular disease risk factors," the researchers conclude.

"Our findings indicate that waist circumference is a better indicator of cardiovascular disease risk than is BMI across three race-ethnicity groups."

SOURCE: American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, February 2005.

Corzine cribbing from GOP’s playbook

Bill's Comment: The current senior United States Senator from New Jersey, Jon Corzine, is BANKRUPT on idea initiation, as he makes his bid for the Office Of The Governor. Then again, so are most of the members of the Democratic Party.
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Corzine cribbing from GOP’s playbook

Column by Charles Webster
2/20/05

U.S. Sen. Jon Corzine wants to be the governor and he is willing to steal from the Republicans to give himself a leg up on the competition.

Corzine says he wants to clean up New Jersey politics and he insists he is the only man that can deliver.

To prove his point he is calling for the creation of a state comptroller to aid in "promoting efficiency, reducing waste, and detecting and preventing misconduct."

Corzine wants a comptroller who will "conduct regular audits and performance reviews of all state departments and agencies, independent authorities, county and municipal governments, and school boards. The comptroller will also have oversight over all state contracts exceeding $1 million to ask tough questions before money is spent."

On top of the comptroller idea, Corzine apparently has had an epiphany -- he wants a pay-to-play ban.

Wow! After reading that it is difficult to understand how Corzine plans to put a stop to all the thievery going on under the gold dome of the State House, and it’s even harder to find evidence that Corzine is the guy to do it.

Ol’ Jonnie is shopping a plan to put a stop to influence peddling, contract swaps for campaign donations and other assorted schemes better known as pay-to-play.

That’s what voters in the Garden State want, but they have been looking for it to happen for a long while now.

The big news is that Corzine’s ideas are nothing new. In fact, Corzine’s ideas are ripped right out of the Republicans’ playbook.

You got it! Corzine stole GOP ideas and is now shopping them around as his own.

Call it stealing, call it plagiarism, call knowing a good idea when he sees one, but don’t forget to call it exactly what it is -- and that’s downright dishonest.

Republican lawmakers Rick Merkt and Michael Patrick Carroll already have a bill introduced to create a new elected office of state comptroller. If Corzine is sincere about wanting to see that post created he needs to get Assembly Speaker Albio Sires and Assembly Majority Leader Joe Roberts off their collective duffs and tell them to post the bill for a vote.

By the way, Jon, If you can’t find the bill on that long list of "ideas," reference it as ACR 55.

And as for that pay-to-play ban you say you want to see in place, well, same thing applies here. There are already bills introduced in the Legislature to get the dirty deed banned, but they’re collecting dust over in the Democrats’ Twilight Zone.

Bill Baroni, Kevin O’Toole and Tom Kean, Jr. all have bills pending that will stop pay-to-play dead in its tracks. But good old boys Sires and Roberts keep moving the bills to the bottom of the pile.

You want to be the Democrats’ leader in New Jersey? Well, get those guys in line first, everything else will fall into place.

So Jon, it’s nice to see you’re finally playing the ethics reform card.

But I’m sorry to inform you that you’re a little late in the game. Eight million dollars in donations from you and Mommy over the last five years does buy you a bye. If you want to be governor, you’ll have to come up with a sharper game plan.

In the meantime, the Republicans are waiting to see their bills passed. All you have to do is make the call.

-- Charles Webster is the State House reporter and political columnist for The Trentonian. He can be reached at cwebster4@trentonian.com.



©The Trentonian 2005

10 Signs You Need a Romantic Reality Check

10 Signs You Need a Romantic Reality Check

(Courtesy of Match.com)

Oh, the love lives we imagine for ourselves! Strolls on the beach at sunset (or sunrise, or under a moonlit sky). Champagne and candlelight. Adoring gazes exchanged for hours before a crackling fire. Moments of passion on secluded tropical beaches. Beds strewn with red rose petals.

If our profiles are any indication, once we hook up with our soul mates we'll live charmed romantic lives. Or should we call them fantasy lives?

Poor reality. It has so much more substance, and yet we never quite forgive its lack of style. Real love is what you've got if it's built to last for years and stay with you even when your toned muscles go soft, your joints go pop at the slightest provocation, and your hair goes gray (or just goes).

To improve your chances of finding real (not fantasy) love online, test your expectations against this reality check:

1. How heavily does your description of your perfect relationship rely on quotes from your favorite poem, song, or movie?

2. You know that "perfect relationship" is an oxymoron, right?

3. All kidding aside, you do know that (John Cusack, Halle Berry, whomever) and you aren't really going to meet someday and just "click" instantly ... don't you?

4. When your best friend waits anxiously for a new love interest to call, do you find yourself a little jealous and missing the "excitement" of a relationship in its early, uncertain stage? If you suddenly couldn't count on your honey to call, would that really excite you?

5. How well does your wish for a soul mate whose face can light up an entire room stack up against the way your face looks when you stumble into the bathroom in the morning?

6. It's important to you to date someone who really loves kids ... do you date teachers, or don't they make enough money?

7. You're 45, and you're seeking a woman between 25 and 40. So let me get this straight: You'd turn down Susan Sarandon, Isabella Rossellini and Elizabeth Pe?a?

8. You're 5'4", and you won't date guys who are shorter than 6'. So let me get this straight: You'd turn down Marc Anthony, Denzel Washington and Matt Damon?

9. Do you have a really clear idea, down to the minute details, of what life with your true love will be? Do you also have the flexibility to accept that your (soul mate) may have just as clearly imagined something different for the two of you?

10. Ask yourself: Does your true love really have to be equally comfortable in jeans and evening wear? Or will uncomfortable but not unwilling do the trick?

Reality check: There might not be just one person for you, so wake up and start a quick search for many people who may fit your criteria!

5 ways to tell if she's the one

5 ways to tell if she's the one

Tom Milnes, Match.com

So, you've been dating a perfectly lovely woman for a while and seeing as you are more or less attached at the hip, it is safe to say that things may be getting serious. But with all those other fish in the sea, how do you know if she is really the one for you?
With all new relationships holding the possibility of everything from mere infatuation to lasting love, it can sometimes be hard to tell the real thing from your latest fling, unless you are willing to ask the tough questions. Thankfully, that list is mercifully short.

1. Is there honest communication between you?
Understandably, in the heat of the moment a question as serious as this is usually not a top priority but if you are playing for the long-term you had better make time for it sooner rather than later. As intoxicating as a new romance can be, eventually pet peeves and irritations, will punch a hole into your private world. And if you are not prepared to deal with it the honeymoon may be over before it begins.

2. Where is the passion?
Although not all love connections run as hot as others, passion — either anticipated or actual — is an eventual necessity for any healthy, happy relationship. When you take her hand and look into her eyes what do you see and what do you feel? Whether you have chosen to jump right in or take it slow, ensure that as your life together grows the passion does not get left out, otherwise what is the point.

3. Are you compatible for the long haul?
The beginnings of relationships tend to be filled with typical days of wine and roses but what happens when the unchangeable realities surrounding your mate make themselves known. It could be her friends. It could be her family. It could be her interests or job. Identifying them early can provide the head start you need to reconcile yourself to them or provide the final reason to move on to greener pastures.

4. Do you both have lives outside your relationship?
As relationships progress, both women and men tend to identify themselves just as much as half of a couple as distinct individuals. Is she strong enough to avoid the insecurities that can be the result of the ensuing battle between losing herself in your relationship and retaining an individual identity? And what about you? If she needs you will you be there to hold her hand and to have yours held in turn when you take up the same struggle? If you answered no to either of these you may have a problem.

5. Is money an issue?
Nothing loosens a man's purse strings like a new romance but as much as you might like treating your new gal at every turn, if you make it your responsibility it may come back to haunt you. Disagreements over money are a prime source of arguments among couples, so do yourself a favor from the beginning and let her pick up the check if she wants to. If she doesn't offer, ask her to pitch in. The result may be an eye-opening snapshot of what your financial future with her may hold.

Daytona and the Legend of Dale Earnhardt

Daytona and the Legend of Dale Earnhardt
Track Was Scene of His Greatest Triumph, Greatest Tragedy
By MONTE DUTTON, AOL Exclusive

Richard Petty had one kind of charisma, and Dale Earnhardt had another. Petty was NASCAR's version of Andy Griffith; Earnhardt was its Clint Eastwood.

Both put a stamp on stock-car racing that will never fade. Both men won seven championships. Earnhardt was the only driver ever to be rookie of the year one year (1979) and champion the next. He also won six championships (1986, '87, '90, '91, '93, '94) in a span of nine seasons.

Daytona International Speedway was the scene of some of Earnhardt's crowning glories and also the track where he met his maker.

Never has the 2.5-mile speedway seen a moment more stirring than in 1998, when Earnhardt rolled down pit road after his only Daytona 500 triumph, with all the other pit crews lined up pay homage.

Never has it known greater sorrow than on Feb. 18, 2001, when Earnhardt was killed instantly in a fourth-turn pass on the final lap. That same part of the track had claimed the life of Earnhardt's best friend in racing, Neil Bonnett, eight years earlier.

No one else has ever won anywhere close to the 36 races Earnhardt won at Daytona, but only three of them were official Cup events. Moments after his fatal crash, Chevrolets owned by Earnhardt captured first and second place.

Never has NASCAR known a man with whom working people identified more. He was a ninth-grade dropout from a textile town, Kannapolis, N.C., who struggled to pay the bills and get out of the shadow of his father, Ralph, who himself was a short-track legend. Earnhardt's father never lived to see his son win 76 Cup races and seven championships. He died of a heart attack at age 45.

The "wrong side of the tracks" mentality remained etched in Earnhardt's character, even when he earned wealth and fame. In his mind, he was never a rich man, but he cherished the independence that all his achievements afforded him.

Was he tough? Yes. As tough as an NFL linebacker or a professional boxer. But he wouldn't have been able to pull off all those miracles had his skill not matched his aggressiveness.

Many insightful observers consider Earnhardt the greatest driver ever to strap himself behind the wheel of a stock car, and almost everyone would rank him somewhere in the top five.

One of the myths about Earnhardt is that he had a disregard for safety. The truth is that he was vitally concerned about. His fatal flaw may have been that his unconventional views derived from personal experience instead of scientific research.

For instance, Earnhardt always wore an open-face helmet not so much because it afforded him greater visibility, although it did, but because he considered a full-face helmet dangerous.

"It's better for an open-wheel racer, maybe, or a guy who's riding on a motorcycle," he said five months before his death, "but for a stock-car racer, it's just like a noose around your neck."

Earnhardt's greatest triumph was the 1998 Daytona 500 because NASCAR's most prestigious race had eluded him for so long. He had run out of gas in 1986, suffered a flat tire in 1990 and been outdueled by Dale Jarrett in 1996. What he yearned for more than anything else, was an eighth championship, one that would set him apart from Richard Petty, whose record of 200 victories was unapproachable.

After winning that day in Daytona, he was asked if he had achieved all his life's goals.

"Hell, no," Earnhardt replied. "I want to win that eighth championship. That's what my life and my career have been all about, winning championships. Nobody has ever won eight before, and that's what we're shooting for. We think we've got a great shot at it this year, and then we'll keep going from there."

Obviously, it wasn't to be.

Earnhardt was often moody and unpredictable, and he wasn't a particularly graceful loser. His fire, though, was one of the key ingredients in his greatness.

When he died, the South had not seen such an outpouring of emotion since Elvis Presley's death in 1977. In a perverse way, his death drew more fans to the sport simply because many Americans started noticing, drawn by the national attention devoted to the Earnhardt tragedy.


02-10-05 16:17 EST

Yale Backhands the US Military

In case you missed it...

Yale Backhands the U.S. Military

By Newt Gingrich and Vince Haley

U.S. News and World Report puts has Yale Law School in the No. 1 spot in its ranking of academic institutions. In the affections of the American people, however, it is likely to soon rank last once people learn it has just turned its back on the United States' fighting men and women during a time of war.

Yale Law Dean Harold Hongju Koh has decided that, as of Feb. 3, the U.S. military is banned from going to the Yale campus to recruit law students.

This is not a misprint. Three days after more than 150,000 of the United States' finest men and women helped secure a peaceful election in an Iraqi nation recovering from more than 30 years of tyranny, the United States' "No. 1" law school proudly announces that the U.S.
military cannot come to Yale to find much needed support among the best and brightest legal minds for the ongoing mission of these 150,000 courageous U.S. citizens in uniform.

The very day that the soul of the nation was so moved during the State of the Union Address by the tearful embrace of a grieving but proud mother of a fallen soldier and a newly free Iraqi woman, Yale Law School decided that the U.S. military doesn't measure up to its standards and needs to shove off.

Young Americans are risking their lives and dying in places like Baghdad, Fallujah, Najaf, Kirkuk and Mosul to protect us here at home.
And what is the response of the United States' "No. 1" law school: Do whatever it is you do in places like Fallujah but don't come here to New Haven.

Why does Yale refuse to let the military on its campus? Its answer is that the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy regarding homosexuals is in violation of the non-discrimination policy that it requires all employers to follow in order to recruit on campus.

But Yale has made exceptions to its anti-discrimination policy before when money was at stake; why can't it make another exception during a time of war when U.S. lives are on the line?

For the last couple years, a federal law was enforced that permitted the government to withhold federal monies from any school that barred military recruiters from campus. With $320 million of federal aid in jeopardy, Yale decided that it could make an exception to its non-discrimination policy and allow military recruiters.

On Feb. 1, a federal district judge somehow concluded that this federal law is unconstitutional (which is a very controversial matter in itself, but not the focus of this essay). No longer in fear of losing its federal subsidies, the Yale Law Dean issued a statement the very next day that the military was no longer welcome. Unlike the potential loss to Yale of $320 million, supporting our troops in time of war apparently does not merit an exception to the policy.

Given that Yale law students are supposed to be among the best and brightest, why is it that law students themselves cannot make judgments about whether to interview on campus with the military?
Although the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy is well known, the Yale law faculty could make it a priority that all Yale law students be specifically educated about its details but leave the final decision on interviewing with the military to them.

Yale law faculty already trusts its student to make judgments about a wide variety of viewpoints. A look at the Yale Law School event Web site shows that campus life encourages a tremendous amount of diversity. For example, in March Yale is the site for a two-day symposium entitled: "Breaking with Tradition: New Frontiers for Same-Sex Marriage."

Yale presumably is confident, as it should be, that those Yale students who do not wish to break with tradition when it comes to marriage can handle the presence on campus of those who advocate a dramatically different viewpoint. Similarly, those Yale students who support the troops in Iraq are no doubt mature enough to be able to handle the faculty workshop scheduled in early March entitled "The Occupation of Iraq".

Surely then, the presence on Yale's campus of representative of the U.S. military, which incidentally liberated Iraq from a homicidal regime that made homosexuality an offense punishable by death, can be endured by those law students who may disagree with its policies.

Yale Law Dean Koh should immediately reconsider his decision and allow military recruiters on campus.

(Newt Gingrich, a former Speaker of the House, is a senior fellow at the American Enterprise Institute (AEI) and author of "Winning the Future: A 21st Century Contract with America". Vince Haley directs policy research for Speaker Gingrich at AEI.)

He loves you not: Valentine's hype can force tough decisions

He loves you not: Valentine's hype can force tough decisions

Mon Feb 14, 9:33 AM ET

The holiday creates so much pressure that it's a common time for relationships to end.

By Elizabeth Lund, Staff writer of The Christian Science Monitor


They're the Valentine's Day (news - web sites) gifts no one asks for: a note slipped under the door that reads "I'm taking my freedom back." Or 25 votive candles with the comment, "The flame has died." Sometimes it's just the ring of a phone and the terse message, "We're through."

Those on the receiving end of such presents might want to break Cupid's arrows, since Valentine's Day breakups are becoming more common. As many as half of dating couples split up on Cupid's big day, estimates Jodi Smith, etiquette expert and president of Mannersmith Consulting.

The main reason Valentine's Day breakups are so frequent, culture watchers agree, is that the much-hyped holiday creates so much pressure and so many expectations. The ubiquitous ads for long-stemmed roses, heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, and flowery cards prompt many to think of all the reasons they don't want to remain half of a couple.

But there's disagreement on whether breaking up on Feb. 14 is acceptable behavior or unforgivably cruel.

Ms. Smith doesn't see anything wrong with Valentine's goodbyes, but does think that how they're handled is important.

"There is no need to keep hanging on to something that is not working," she says. "It is perfectly acceptable to break up on Valentine's, [but] dumping champagne on your date, creating a scene, and storming out of the restaurant is poor form. The polite person thinks before speaking and considers the venue before offering a carefully worded exit speech. No need to demean the person while dumping them. Leave the dumpee with a shred of self-respect and a box of chocolates."

Ria Romano of Boca Raton, Fla., didn't follow that advice and still feels bad about how she handled her Valentine's Day split a few years ago. She and her boyfriend had been dating about three months when he planned a romantic, expensive evening.

He buzzed her apartment intercom and asked her to come downstairs, adding, "I have two dozen red roses for you."

Ms. Romano, although dressed for the date, surprised herself by saying, "I know it's Valentine's Day, but I'm not going." She ended the relationship while he stood in the lobby. To make matters worse, Feb. 14 was also his birthday.

"I know that's really, really bad," she says, "but I suddenly heard this little voice in my head saying, 'He's not the one.' I felt so guilty, but I also felt relieved that I didn't have to go to dinner.

"Valentine's Day puts so much pressure on people," she adds. "There's a lot of anxiety that you don't get with Christmas or New Year's."

Ms. Smith has heard such comments many times before. Her advice to Romano and others is: "Don't be too hard on yourself." Yes, it's better to break things off several weeks beforehand, but the culture encourages just the opposite. Dumping is the symptom, she says, not the underlying problem.

"We live in a society where people routinely spill their guts on the Internet or on national television shows, but there's very little self-awareness," she says. "We feel as if we need to act on an emotion as soon as we acknowledge that emotion."

Social scientists agree. "People are notorious for not being strong enough to sit a partner down and say, 'I'm sorry, it's over,' " says Barry Kuhle, assistant professor of psychology at Lebanon Valley College in Annville, Pa. Rather than dealing with a situation directly, they procrastinate until something forces the issue, and Valentine's Day does just that.

"It's almost worse and more offensive to mislead the other person by going out on a date and going through the motions," he says, explaining the mindset of many who break up on Feb. 14.

Dr. Kuhle, who proposed to his fiancée on Valentine's Day 2003, notes that dumpers aren't always motivated by altruism.

"The dark side of human nature is indeed dark," he says, in reference to research he conducted at the University of Texas at Austin for a dissertation called "Cues to Commitment." That research reveals five reasons that a man - men do most of the dumping - may end a relationship on Valentine's Day:

1. He's not interested in a deep, committed relationship and doesn't want to lead the woman on.

2. He's scared about the escalation of commitment that often comes with sharing Valentine's Day with a woman.

3. He doesn't want to waste time and/or money on a relationship he thinks won't last.

4. He's dating several women simultaneously and the obligations of the day - dinner, date, etc. - force him to choose one woman and dump the other(s).

5. He's worried that publicly sharing Valentine's Day with a woman will reduce his ability to play the field.

No age group is immune to Cupid's coldhearted surprises: People in their 20s break up because they feel they have plenty of time to find better options, say observers. Thirty-somethings often have a goal in mind and cut their losses quickly if they don't like their prospects. Those 40 and older may feel pressure to find the right mate.

There are so many reasons to blame good old Cupid, it seems. Even teenagers feel the sting of his poor aim.

Kelli, who has asked that her last name not be used, still remembers the competition that Valentine's Day inspired among girls in school. The more flowers or balloons a girl received, the more popular and worthy she was considered.

Kelli always hated Valentine's Day for that reason, but in her junior year of high school, her feelings about the day changed. She was dating a senior, and "for the first time, I was looking forward to it," she says.

Her hopes were dashed the night of Feb. 13, though, when she asked her sweetie how he wanted to celebrate.

His answer: "Actually, I don't want to be in a relationship anymore." His mother told her he didn't want to buy a gift.

Kelli's only solace was that fact that the two of them have remained friends and she can remind him of his dastardly deed, and still does, nine years later. "You have to make good use of these things," she says, laughing.

But for some people, there's nothing funny about breaking up on Valentine's Day, regardless of how much pressure dumpers feel.

"Holidays carry memories with them, and no matter how much compassion and good taste someone thinks they are using when they break up with a lover, a breakup hurts, and doing it on Valentine's Day wrecks the day for years to come," says April Masini, author of the "Ask April" advice column. "If a breakup is inevitable, do it the day before - or even the day after. This kind of scheduling is far more compassionate."

Others put it in much blunter terms. "I suggest you break up at least one month before to avoid a lot of fallout," says Stefan Feller, author of the forthcoming book "How to Break Up, Without Breaking a Sweat."

"A guy who breaks up with a woman on Valentine's is automatically eligible for the sleazeball hall of fame," he says. "A woman who breaks up with a guy on V-Day just gives him another reason to hate the day."

Cupid, consider yourself warned.